Children and Abuse

Children suffer from both obvious and more subtle effects from witnessing domestic violence. Often the more subtle effects will not appear until the child is older.

Children Witness Domestic Violence

More Obvious Effects
  • Aggressive behavior toward siblings, peers and non-abusive parent
  • Models the behavior of the abusive parent
  • Increased fears at bedtime
  • Fear of sleeping alone
  • Frequent nightmares
  • Separation anxiety in a child who never exhibited it before
  • Frequent crying
  • Harming family pets and other small animals
  • Serious drop in school grades
  • Attempts to harm themselves
  • Talk of wishing they were dead
  • Thoughts of suicide
Adolescents and Teenagers
  • Using alcohol and drugs
  • Running away
  • Cutting
  • Suicidal thoughts or actions
  • Joining gangs
  • Criminal activities
  • Eating disturbances
  • Truancy
Less Obvious Effects
  • Becoming quiet and more withdrawn
  • Tending not to bring friends home
  • Being afraid to try new things
  • Taking on a parental role in the family
  • Frequent physical complaints, especially stomach aches
  • Bed-wetting not due to physical problems
  • Withdrawing from school/social activities
  • Difficulty focusing in school
  • Being a perfectionist and over-achiever
  • Feelings of shame and/or guilt
Long Term Effects
  • Girls may grow up to date and marry abusive partners.
  • Boys become abusers themselves.
  • Low self-esteem
  • Negative experiences inhibit abilities to make positive choices.

Parental Anger

Anger in the home can cause stress and concern for even the youngest of children. It is often hard to differentiate between childhood behavior and trauma related behaviors.

These symptoms are not solely connected to parental anger; however, knowing these red flags will help assess a child's needs.

Child is afraid to try things. His sensitivity to criticism prevents him from taking on challenges or tasks.

Child seems depressed, lethargic or lacks interest in age-appropriate activities.

Child has behavior problems in school that go beyond normal acting out.

Child appears to have little empathy when relating to people who are hurt or sad.

Child displays low self-esteem - puts others down.

Child is constantly dissatisfied with his own performance or behavior.

Child is overly abusive with a younger sibling or flies into angry rages in which he tries to hurt a younger child or sibling.

Helping Children with Feelings

Give children extra support, encouragement and patience when they are under stress. Don't rush their stories and don't ask continual questions.

Watch children's behaviors as well as listen to their words. Be sensitive to their feelings as they talk with you.

Help children express themselves in words, through art and play. Give them choices that are comfortable to them. This will also help them talk out their feelings rather than acting them out inappropriately.

Express your own feelings clearly with children. Relate your feelings to something the child will understand. Example: "I feel sad sometimes when I argue with my best friend. Do you feel that way sometimes?"

Give children options/ideas of things to do to help them calm themselves down when they are upset or feel themselves getting angry. For example it is alright for children to take some time alone to calm down before they talk about an incident.

All children and adults have feelings that are hard to handle at times. Reassure children of this. Example: "Sometimes kids get scared and that is alright." "It is frustrating when things don't work out."

Helping children own their feelings will help them express them better. Example: "You feel angry now." Rather than "He makes you angry." The latter is not a feeling; it is a result of an action.

Children Programs and Services

McHenry County Turning Point individual counseling and support groups for children provide outlets for the child to examine and better understand their feelings and to be better equipped to make positive choices. onLine Schedule

Email michellek@mchenrycountyturningpoint.org or call 815-338-8081

  • Services Include:
  • 24-hour Crisis Intervention and Response 1-800-892-8900
  • Emergency Shelter
  • Children’s Individual and Group Counseling
  • Parenting Program
  • Latino Bilingual/Bicultural Services
  • Emergency Food and Clothing Pantries

For Your Safety

Erase internet Footprints - prevent abusers finding where you visit online.

Escape Site for a quick exit to google.com

1-800-892-8900 24 Hour McHenry County Crisis Line
1-800-799-SAFE National Crisis Hotline